Ask The Liverpool Offside: Why is John Oliver a Liverpool Fan?

There continues to be no football to talk about, so we’re answering more of your questions and/or cries for help.

Some of the search terms that help people find their way here to The Liverpool Offside can seem a little strange, unusual, or just in need of an answer. Others seem to have nothing to do with Liverpool. Occasionally they’re borderline workplace-appropriate—not that most of us are in a workplace right now.

Every now and then, we try to give out a few answers based on them. And with no football on and so many of us stuck self-isolating, we’re going to start trying to mix in any questions you have to help pass the time. So if you’ve ever had something you wanted us to answer—be it about football or fitness or fashion or food or fencing—drop it in the comments or hit us up on Twitter and we’ll see what we can do.

recap liverpool

About 13.8 billion years ago—give or take 22 million—the universe started. Rapid expansion from a point of infinite density and infinite temperature. Which seems like a lot of density and temperature. But anyhow. Things went boom went rushing out for a while—around 9.3 billion years, if you’re keeping score—before our solar system began to form out of a collapsing molecular cloud. Apparently somebody, somewhere, determined the first solid particle to form out of said collapsing molecular cloud happened 4.5682 billion years ago. So. Happy birthday, solar system. You don’t look a day over 4.5681 billion.

But anyhow. We should skip ahead a bit. Planets formed. Earth had it’s Hadeon Eon. Collided with a hypothesized planet called Theia that created the moon which stabilised the planet’s rotation. That may have been key to the formation of life. Which happened around 4.2 or 4.3 billion years ago. Kind of a big deal.

Anyhow. Skipping ahead. Archean Eon. Proterozoic. Water. Evolution. Continents rise and fall and break apart and come together again. Major extinction events. Somewhere along the line people start doing people things. Tribes. Stonehenge. Hadrian’s Wall. Richard I is victorious in his revolt against Henry II, takes the throne of England. Liuerpul springs up. Name probably means something about a muddy creek or pool. The next king, King John, signs a royal charter establishing the borough. Empire fuels growth as a trade hub. World’s first wet dock. Shipbuilding. Unemployment and economic turmoil. Recovery. Liverpool FC in there somewhere. And here we are.

why is john oliver a liverpool fan

Because he’s a person of intelligence and good taste? Also, while born in Birmingham, both his parents were from Liverpool (see above).

rival fan comments on liverpool fc

Probably something bitter about how a season 75% completed should be declared null and void?

what happened to minamino

The same thing that happened to Fabinho and Andy Robertson, we’d say. Namely Jürgen Klopp has exceptionally high demands when it comes to fitness and tactical discipline, and because of that it often takes time for new signings to get up to speed. Add in Minamino arrived mid-season, joining a settled squad with the Reds flying at the top of the table, and it was always going to take time for him to see the pitch.

It’s one thing to sign a Virgil van Dijk and have him come straight into the mix mid-season, but sacrificing the minutes of more established players like Divock Origi and Alex Oxlade Chamberlain given the club’s form and standing was never likely. And of course then the whole global pandemic thing kicked off to complicate matters, but regardless, Minamino was always more of a signing for next season than this one—and fans writing him off already should keep that in mind just as much as anyone wondering or worried at why he didn’t feature in January or February.

how hard is it to get liverpool tickets

Um. Yeah. So about that whole global pandemic thing (see above).

news for you

See above (see above).

was mo salah offside

Mo Salah has never been offside. Unless you’re talking about appearances in weird oil company rap video advertisements. We’re honestly not sure what the hell he or anyone else involved in this one was thinking, even if Salah having a sponsorship deal with Exxon Mobil is, like, the most unsurprising sponsorship ever.